Something has changed

I’m feeling better since the weekend. Nowadays, when I leave the office in the evening, I don’t feel like falling into this deep hole that I fell into day after day. Of course, I do cry here and there. And I don’t feel so bad about that. It’s a healthy thing to do. But my outlook is better now.

It changed after I visited a therapist on Friday night. Friday was a bad day for me. I cried ALL THE TIME. That was the case also when I was sitting in front of the therapist. But he is good! I left and felt relieved and felt that something can be done. I will definitely go back in two weeks. On my way home, when crossing the river, I decided to get off the tram and sit by the river for a while. The weather was wonderful and people just sat there, drank wine and enjoyed the sunset behind the city’s magnificent cathedral.

~ Evening sun, skyline, and the mighty Rhine river ~

It helps to be in this beatiful city. The people here love their city and the city wants to be loved. The picture above is proof for it. And not only that. Everyone I have met here so far is just so friendly and warmhearted. I really enjoy wandering through the city and talking to random people in the stores.

Then Saturday was just a great day for me and I came home exhausted and happy. That continued on Sunday. I had a very slow morning and then took my bike on a tour to a beautiful park and arboretum. I found a place to quietly read the weekend newspaper and then walked through the park a little bit. I had to fight back some tears. We both loved botanical gardens and rhododendrons which they had plenty of. But still, it was a wonderful day that I truly enjoyed!

One year

Today marks one year that you decided you didn’t want to live anymore. That you were standing by the river banks in the middle of the night, wanting to jump. That a lady with a dog went by at 4 o’clock in the morning, saw you and convinced you not to do this. That this lady walked you home where you were safe again, where I found you crying in the bathroom. It is one year now that you made the decision to go into therapy. A year that changed a lot! Our relationship, your way of looking at life. All for the better! You still have a long way ahead of you. You’re still at that clinic, only interrupted by some nights or even weekends out. I cherish those moments and I’m deeply thankful that we can enjoy those.

Four Things

So, I have been quite absent. Well, this year was quite a struggle, yet again. Let me start to write here again with a somewhat light post. I found this list over at Stephany’s and Lisa’s:

Four names people call me other than my real name:

• Annie (I like Stephen King’s “Misery”)
• Natalie (part of an old joke that involved frequent prank calls)
• Gertrud (my aunt’s nickname for me when I was 4 years old, passers-by had pity on me)
• Schatz

Four jobs I’ve had:

• Cashier (at a supermarket and a gas station, the gas station was much more fun)
• Warehouse worker (for one summer)
• Research assistant (besides my studies, you see where this is leading to)
• Senior researcher (current job)

Four movies I’ve watched more than once:

• Misery (see above)
• Dirty Dancing
• Napoleon Dynamite
• 1984

Four books I’d recommend:

• The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
• The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
• The Emperor of All Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee
• Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Four places I’ve lived:

• Borlänge, Sweden
• Philadelphia, PA
• Bloomington, IN
• Mainz, Germany

Four places I’ve visited:

• New York, NY
• Miami, FL
• Paris, France
• Tunis, Tunisia

Four things I prefer not to eat:

• Paprika
• Liquorice
• Lamb
• Caper

Four of my favorite foods:

• Avocado sandwich
• Salmon
• Fried potatoes at Hafeneck
• Spinach

Four TV shows I watch:

• Breaking Bad
• Lost
• The Office
• Bob’s Burgers

Four things I’m looking forward to this year:

• My upcoming business trip to Washington
• A new research project
• Vacation, finally!
• Long days of reading during said vacation

Four things I’m always saying:

• We’ll make it! (usually I’m the only one in the office that thinks so)
• Cool! (only the American husband tought me that it’s uncool to say this, but I can’t sopt it)
• I’m sorry… (then my colleague tells me I apologize too much)
• Seriously?!?