Something has changed

I’m feeling better since the weekend. Nowadays, when I leave the office in the evening, I don’t feel like falling into this deep hole that I fell into day after day. Of course, I do cry here and there. And I don’t feel so bad about that. It’s a healthy thing to do. But my outlook is better now.

It changed after I visited a therapist on Friday night. Friday was a bad day for me. I cried ALL THE TIME. That was the case also when I was sitting in front of the therapist. But he is good! I left and felt relieved and felt that something can be done. I will definitely go back in two weeks. On my way home, when crossing the river, I decided to get off the tram and sit by the river for a while. The weather was wonderful and people just sat there, drank wine and enjoyed the sunset behind the city’s magnificent cathedral.

~ Evening sun, skyline, and the mighty Rhine river ~

It helps to be in this beatiful city. The people here love their city and the city wants to be loved. The picture above is proof for it. And not only that. Everyone I have met here so far is just so friendly and warmhearted. I really enjoy wandering through the city and talking to random people in the stores.

Then Saturday was just a great day for me and I came home exhausted and happy. That continued on Sunday. I had a very slow morning and then took my bike on a tour to a beautiful park and arboretum. I found a place to quietly read the weekend newspaper and then walked through the park a little bit. I had to fight back some tears. We both loved botanical gardens and rhododendrons which they had plenty of. But still, it was a wonderful day that I truly enjoyed!

One year

Today marks one year that you decided you didn’t want to live anymore. That you were standing by the river banks in the middle of the night, wanting to jump. That a lady with a dog went by at 4 o’clock in the morning, saw you and convinced you not to do this. That this lady walked you home where you were safe again, where I found you crying in the bathroom. It is one year now that you made the decision to go into therapy. A year that changed a lot! Our relationship, your way of looking at life. All for the better! You still have a long way ahead of you. You’re still at that clinic, only interrupted by some nights or even weekends out. I cherish those moments and I’m deeply thankful that we can enjoy those.

Things I love

I love to wake up early on a Sunday morning (or Saturday), read for a while, listen to the constant flow of traffic outside, enjoy the silence of our appartment. And then. Fall asleep again. Oh weekends. With plenty of time and no plans coming across my way.