Something has changed

I’m feeling better since the weekend. Nowadays, when I leave the office in the evening, I don’t feel like falling into this deep hole that I fell into day after day. Of course, I do cry here and there. And I don’t feel so bad about that. It’s a healthy thing to do. But my outlook is better now.

It changed after I visited a therapist on Friday night. Friday was a bad day for me. I cried ALL THE TIME. That was the case also when I was sitting in front of the therapist. But he is good! I left and felt relieved and felt that something can be done. I will definitely go back in two weeks. On my way home, when crossing the river, I decided to get off the tram and sit by the river for a while. The weather was wonderful and people just sat there, drank wine and enjoyed the sunset behind the city’s magnificent cathedral.

~ Evening sun, skyline, and the mighty Rhine river ~

It helps to be in this beatiful city. The people here love their city and the city wants to be loved. The picture above is proof for it. And not only that. Everyone I have met here so far is just so friendly and warmhearted. I really enjoy wandering through the city and talking to random people in the stores.

Then Saturday was just a great day for me and I came home exhausted and happy. That continued on Sunday. I had a very slow morning and then took my bike on a tour to a beautiful park and arboretum. I found a place to quietly read the weekend newspaper and then walked through the park a little bit. I had to fight back some tears. We both loved botanical gardens and rhododendrons which they had plenty of. But still, it was a wonderful day that I truly enjoyed!

Weekend Recap

This weekend was both fun and hard. Again. It’s as if, after my 3 weeks of vacation, I have to relearn how to relax after a full week of work. And very much like last weekend, Saturday was a struggle and Sunday I finally managed to relax a little bit.

That the neighbors woke up me up with loud techno music before 8 am on Saturday morning didn’t really help me relax. Normally, I love to sleep long and then read in bed and just have a really slow morning. I had to leave the bed, however, rather abruptly once it started vibrating from the beats downstairs. (Needless to say I complained to them later that day.) After breakfast I cleaned the house and waited for the husband to come home. We spent the afternoon together but I was feeling quite agitated. Only when we left for a walk and dinner at a very nice restaurant by the river my mood improved a lot.

On Sunday morning the husband and I went for a run. It was the very first time that we ran together and it was fun! It was cold but the sun was shining and the view of the river was just wonderful! After breakfast we just spent the rest of the day reading. It felt good!

But I still had a hard time to relax. And I had stomach cramps that wouldn’t go away. Then, tonight, we may have found the reason for that. It’s quite obvious, if you think about it: We know the husband will leave for his therapy in another city soon. We just don’t know when. It might be this uncertainty that leaves me so nervous. Although I don’t like the thought of him being gone, it will be good to start this new step in his therapy, to have some more certainty about what awaits him there and to be another step closer to being together again.